She drove toward downtown Los Angeles like a moth's flight to a flame, she couldn't stop herself even if she tried. She closed her eyes for a moment and inhaled the crisp cold air which flowed from the driver side window. She withstood each bite the air gave as it passed her lips and with every breath she took she endured the needle like pricks. This moment only lasted about ten seconds but she felt every second with a sharp intensity as it pierced her very being. She opened her eyes her first view was the skyline and as she approached the outskirts of this city with its glaring lights reflected off her spectacles she viewed the dancing lights as they tantalized the windows of her soul. She fell into a trance, a daze of enchantment and just as she calmed herself enough to enjoy the moment of bewitchment a fear passed through her and in an instant her pupils restricted, she was panicked. The fear settled as she gained closer to this flickering flame. At that moment she gripped her steering wheel as if, if she let go, something would have been lost.
She entered the veins of this city with her headlights hit the reflecting signs. If she cared enough she'd know her exact location. She took no notice to the signs, all she cared about was the heartbeat she heard. She followed the sound using the veins that brings life to this city, that makes this city thrive. But at these hours she was the only life that flowed, that and the shadows that these hours can only bring. It is at these hours she felt most alive and so alone at the same time. Her flowing tears proved it.
She stopped, turned off the ignition, got out of the car and sat on the cold concrete curb to take a moment to reflect on the close of an seemingly endless night. A night that helped her become a master masonry. As she stared off while playing the "what if" game in her head she could see the twilight making its way to bully the night away. At this point she placed her focus on the struggle between night and twilight. With every moment she saw who was prevailing in this power struggle as she became witness to what was coming to light. The twilight boastfully showcasing such realities that the night fought so hard to keep draped under its darkest hue. The night knew that during these delicate hours, the bewitching hours, it is not the eyes that can not bare witness to such realities but it's the heart...her heart. A heart that has never been held gently but always with a heavy hand.
She despised the twilight for its alliance with the relentless sun, which stood on the sidelines awaiting its entrance. She began to curse the sun for making her have to face another day with certain realities that haunt her. In the last moment before the night surrendered, she turned to the night and asked it to keep a secret, it had given its word. And with the last tear that rolled off her cheek, the secret was told.
She then turn her eyes up to the surrounding structures that hovered over her grey in their color, twilight only knows the function of grey matter, and as she screamed at the top of her lungs "how is it that you bring me here?"
It responded with a whisper in her ear "This is the city of angels and it only beckons those..."
***Written on 5/12 at 4:30 am in Downtown Los Angeles. Part of my "She Scribbles" notebook, first draft and well, my only draft...I wrote it out and just not touching it period. It may not be grammatically correct or even make sense but honestly this heavy heart could care less.
